Real Talk

Why does time have to go by SO fast in the moments you just want to cherish & take slow?  I can’t believe our sweet Norah is going to be 5 months old this week.

My mom and I were driving past my work the other day and she said “Can you believe you go back to work in almost 6 months?” In which I replied.. ” Who says that?!?”

Motherhood is by far the greatest Job I have ever had (Sorry Maddie!) But, it is also the most challenging Job I have ever had.

I knew that being a mom was going to be the type of Job that you learn things every single day, and boy is that true… But theres things that utterly & completely took me by Surprise, and I feel the urge to be vulnerable & share.

  1.  Post Partum Blues.  Too be honest, the first few weeks of Norahs life were a complete blur.  I’m sure the hormones didn’t help.. But every little thing made me cry!!! (Bless Sean, he was SO wonderful through it all)  As the weeks went along, my emotions started getting better! I was feeling WAY less emotional and was actually starting to enjoy my day to day activities without shedding a tear.  One thing Never left though…My anxiety. (A lot of you may be thinking.. “Shes a new mom! of course anxiety comes with it!”)  Not that kind of anxiety.  It got to the point where some nights I would lay in bed & cry – But I didn’t know why.  I feared things like Death, loss of friendships, being accepted, wondering if I’m cut out to be a mom, if I’ll ever be good enough for Norah, etc etc.  Now, those of you who really know me.. Know that Anxiety has always been my biggest enemy – but boy, I have never experienced anything like this.One morning a few weeks ago I woke up, looked at my (Incredibly adorable daughter) and finally felt like I had a purpose.  Guys – I cried out to God.. So much. I begged Him to just take this feeling away.  I prayed that the Enemy would be defeated in this.I won’t lie. This morning I texted my husband and said “Why do I take things so personally & to heart.  Why do I care so much. Why”  To which he simply Replied ” I love you”  I’m still struggling ever day.. But With God by my side – We can beat this, and the enemy WILL be defeated.

    As woman & new moms, lets be honest about our feelings.  Lets not be afraid to share our weakness (Because I was – I was scared to show people the things I feared most..)

  2. Boys, look away at this one! … Okay – here we go. SIX WEEKS?! They really think we are fully capable to be back to our normal self at 6 weeks.  For all you mom thats got away with zero tearing, & a quick recovery … I applaud you and ask you send your fairy dust my way ( PLEASE!!! ) I could go into detail about this one but I fear people like my mother may read my blog and I really don’t want to scar her ( LOVE YOU MOM!!!) But I think you get my drift.  6 weeks is not enough
  3. Breast pads. What are Breast pads??  The things that DON’T soak up your breast milk when you leak in public with a very noticeable coloured shirt on… And all of a sudden you have 2 UFO’s on your shirt and nothing, I mean NOTHING you do will cover it up.  Happened to me last week at my niece & Nephews baseball game.. I had to ask my friend for Norah Back so I could have Norah be my cover up!!
  4. Wife: ” Babe, can you go check on the baby to see if shes sleeping still & that shes okay?”
    Husband: “Sure, no problem”
    **Runs upstairs, comes back a hot second later**
    Husband: “She’s good!!”
    Wife: ” What do you mean shes good? Did you check to make sure her chest was moving up & down?!” “Did you put your hands in front of her mouth/nose to make sure there was air coming out?!”
    Husband:  **Crickets**This was an absolute conversation that happened in our household MULTIPLE times.  I 1111110% believe my mom now when she would say ” Just wait till your a mom ” when something would happen to me.I really thought that fear would go away after pregnancy – but nope. Its there, and stronger than ever!!!  A constant reminder that GOD is in control, no matter what.  He’s got you.  He’s got your precious baby.
  5. The love. Man, I was told about this love.. But it’s until you experience it yourself that you really know what they are talking about.  When I was pregnant with Norah, I had a really hard time connecting with her.  I felt guilty that I didn’t experience the emotions that most woman feel.  The overwhelming gratitude of being pregnant.. Sure, I was SO grateful – but I constantly lived in fear that something was going to happen and in turn, I fell short in really enjoying all of my pregnancy.. But that moment when Sean rolled me to her bedside in the NICU, that moment will be forever etched into my brain.  The love that I felt looking at my daughter for the first time was the most overwhelming sense of emotion that I have ever experience (I’m tearing up as I write this!!) .. And every night/morning/afternoon since then I am filled, FILLED with so much love for this little girl.  Her smile, her whimpers, her laughs & even her cries.. They make everything in this messed up world, seem like its all going to be okay.


Guys, my list could go on – but I wanted to finish up this post by saying this.  My desire was to be a mom.  I didn’t feel much purpose for anything else than being a mom & sharing Christ.  The Lord immensely blessed me with that Desire – and has giving me the Greatest most scariest Job in the world.  To raise my daughter up to be a woman of God. Too raise her like a Proverbs 31 woman… and you know what? I’m going to fail. Alot. I’m going to fall short.. A lot.

But knowing I have a COMMUNITY of woman around me who have the same fears & Joy, makes having this Job title of Mom a lot more easier.  Lets continue to lift each other up, encourage each other, and share – even our fears.

Lots of love,


Proverbs 31:30

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.




Norahs Birth Story

It took me a while to sit down and fully re-live Norah’s Birth Story. Some of you may know, some may know the little details – so I’m here to share how the Lord completely restored our Faith in Him!

My Due date had come & Go, and we were in talks with my midwife about booking an induction. Those who know me, know that although I didn’t have a plan set in stone. I was fully hoping to have a natural delivery with my midwife. I researched coping mechanisms, like labouring in the shower, bouncing on the birth ball, even slow dancing with Sean. Booking an induction was the first step in realizing that our plan, isn’t always Gods plan.

From 38 weeks till the morning of my induction I had multiple stretch & sweeps, I walked.. and walked.. Bounced on the ball, took evening primrose oil, drank raspberry tea like a boss (I’m not kidding.. 6-8 cups a DAY) and every midwife appointment when she would check me she would say “well.. Maybe just a little change” (Really, I think she was just saying that to make me feel better)

I remember the night so clearly (Tuesday, January 26th), I was sitting watching TV with my mom & my midwife calls and says “How do you feel about having a baby tomorrow!?” I knew that call was coming & I was going to have our baby that week, but the realism of hearing your going to have a baby TOMORROW, is pretty surreal. I called sean right away and said “Babe, we are going to be parents tomorrow!” We were so excited, but full of so many nerves.

Wednesday, January 27th

The Day we were going to meet our daughter (or so we thought!) I got up at 6 (surprisingly had a good nights sleep) Showered, did my makeup, went over my hospital bag and made sure we had everything we needed!

We got to the hospital at 7:45, 15 minutes before our 8:00 AM call time. They registered me & sent me into triage to wait for my midwife. Now, because I was being induced – My care had to be transferred over to an OB. My midwife came & checked me to see if I changed at all, and sure enough – no progress. After talking to the OB on call, they wanted to go ahead and put a cervical balloon in (A super uncomfy balloon they stick up your lady parts to help your cervix contract) but because the OB was called into an emergency C-Section, they told us to go home & come back at 3:00PM that day. Disappointed, but glad I could spend a few more extra hours with my puppy & hubby.


This was it! We were getting the balloon put in & getting the process started. Or so we thought. We waited in Triage for 2.5 hour, and were told “I’m so sorry, the on call OB got called into another Emergency.. Can you head home and come back for 8PM tonight?”

Are you kidding me.

Frustrated, we headed back home – Stopped at wild wings for one last effort to get labour going (Spicy spicy chicken wings!!.. It didn’t work, in case you were wondering)

8:00 PM

This has GOT to be it. Right? After waiting in triage for 2.5 hour again, the OB came in and FINALLY inserted the very uncomfortable balloon. To my surprise, the contractions started RIGHT away! We were sent home again (with this balloon still in me!) and told to come back in 12 hours to get it removed. The contractions were coming full force, 2 minutes apart (Worst car ride ever.. I kept telling sean to avoid the bumps.. like he could avoid it)

I told Sean to sleep downstairs because I really need him to be really rest for thursday, because I knew it was going to be a big day for us. So as he grabbed the spare pillow & Blanket, I laid in bed – blared my worship music and breathed through the 12 hours of contractions.

Praying relentlessly & surrendering this whole experience to the Lord.

Thursday, January 29th

10:00 AM Okay – So we had a few blips in the road.. But today was the DAY (Or So I thought, again) I absolutely though I was dilated more (I was about 2cm before) – the contractions weren’t for nothing right??

So here we are, 4th time in childbirth triage in 24 hours. The couple next to us were going through the same thing. She was 37 weeks pregnant, 0 CM dilated & Had the balloon put in the same time as me.

The OB came in, took out the balloon – Checked me and said “Maybe… MAYBE 3CM” ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? All that pain, for 1 cm. Lord.. Please please, Show me your way. The Dr. then became concerned that Norah was floating to high & that the umbilical chord was going to drop before her (Which would mean an emergency C -Section) Because of her concern, she wanted to start ( finally! ) my induction, get my water broken and insert a catheter.. & because of how high she was floating, I had to lie completely flat with a catheter inserted until Norah was born. So no labouring in the shower, on the ball, slow dancing with sean.. All of what I imagined, was thrown out the door.

Too add the cherry on top, Remember the girl who came in the same time as me? They took her balloon out right after me.. And this is all I heard “You are 5 CM!! You are ready to go! Lets get this going!!”

That, is when I broke. I started crying & looked at sean and said “My body is failing me, and I am failing our daughter”

Discouraged, Sean grabbed me close and prayed.

We finally got into our room (a corner unit with nice big windows!), They hooked me up to the IV, Broke my water & it was game on!!

Contractions were still coming strong, 2 minutes apart & because of only being able to labour lying down – coping became harder & Harder. I was biting my blanket, moaning into the pillow, squeezing seans hand & doing a lot of praying. We both sat there, with tears streaming down our face just praying that the Lord would continue to work through this & us.. and that we would continue to rely on him.

12:00 AM

I was only dilated another 2 more CM & Norah was facing sunny side up. I was thankful for the progress, but still discouraged it was rapid like people say it usually is. Scared I would need a C-section, all the emotions were flowing. At this point, since a emergency c-section was threatened, I was on 2 hours of sleep since Wednesday Morning, and the coping of these contractions were limited – We decided to get an epidural ( And girls, I AM SO GLAD I DID!!!) I felt like a complete failure at first, but the relief was so needed & I knew I needed the strength to push ( And boy, I was right )

1:00 AM

Epidural is in! Momma was happy! Until her heart monitor started having abnormal blips. It kept dropping, nothing too alarming but concerning enough that they inserted a wire into me and attached it to her scalp (To get a better reading of her heart rate) Because of all this was happening, I wasn’t able to sleep – Worried something was wrong. So I just laid there. We tearfully prayed over and over again that the Lord would protect our sweet daughter.

2:00 Am

Norah is still having some blips with her heart, but its being monitored by the nurse. The concern now was me. The nurse took my vitals & asked how I was feeling.. A little bit of a silly question to ask, but I was fine. Tired – but Fine. She said “You seem to have spiked a fever, Im going to give you a tylenol to see if it brings it down”

I felt fine! I tried everything to make me not have a fever lol. Took all the blankets off me, put a cold cloth over my forehead. But it wasn’t working..

She came back an hour later and my fever had spiked to 101.8 – The Dr came in and explained they were going to put me on high dose antibiotic to see if it breaks my fever. (FYI – it never worked)

At this point, I came to terms that I would probably need a c-Section, and it was okay. If it means my daughter would be safe. It was okay.

Friday, January 29th

Wasn’t I suppose to have a baby 2 days ago….

It was 8:00 AM, nurse change ( PS. my nurses were AMAZING!!! ) and time to check me. Ready to hear bad news, I heard the nurse say “Your 10CM!!” 10 CM!? Praise the Lord!!! I called our moms and said ” I did it!! I did it!! ” The excitement & nerves were unreal! I was so tired. We prayed again that the Lord would give me the strength I need to get our daughter her safely.

The nurse told us we are going to start pushing at 10:00 Am. Norah was still sunny side up, but the nurse said they usually flip on their own in transition.

10:00 AM Came, my midwife showed up for labour support & the nurse set me up to push! Here we go. 11 AM came.. 1 hour of pushing down..”She is coming soon right? I dont think I can do this any longer” I told the nurse. She looked at me and said “we need to keep going” I prayed relentlessly and said ” Lord, Please. Give me the Strength! Please!” With the worship song “Forever” Blaring in my ears.. The words kept repeating:

We sing hallelujah
We sing hallelujah
We sing hallelujah
The Lamb has overcome

I knew the Lord had His way in this.

Another hour had pass. I’m on 2 hours of pushing – Every 2 minutes. I was so exhausted, that between every 2 minutes – I would fall completely asleep. Sean was my rock. He kept looking me in the eyes and saying “You are amazing. I am so proud of you. You can do it” He rubbed my head, put a cold cloth on me, cried with me, prayed with me. I couldn’t of had a better partner in there with me.

12:20 Came.

I knew something was wrong. The nurses grew concerned, and in a matter of seconds. My room had 20 people in it. Two NICU team with the petiatricans, the OB + 2 residents and a slew of nurses. The OB said “Your babies heart rate is dropping significantly & we need to get her out.” Because she was sunny side up, they needed to use forceps to flip her & because she was too descending for an emergency c section, they had to do a full episitomy.

I remember the whole room yelling at me to push – & that I did!! The Lord restored my energy and I was able to push to get her head out! Thats when the Dr yelled ” The chord is wrapped around twice – we need to get her out” and thats when she started flat lining. I pushed one last time and our daughter came out. The Chord was wrapped so tight that he couldn’t just lift it off he had to cut them off.

“Why isn’t she crying”
I yelled at multiple nurses. I look at my husband (who saw everything) and said “Babe, why isn’t Norah crying? Why can’t we hear her” I know he didn’t know what to say, because he was as scared as I was. But with such grace he looked at me in the eyes and said ” She will be okay babe, You did amazing. I am so proud of you”

In a matter of seconds, our Daughter was taken away & our room went from 20 people .. To us & Our midwife cleaning up the Floor.

What just happened? What was wrong with Norah?
Every single thought & emotion went through my mind.

7 Hours passed (The worst 7 hours of my life) My mom came & Seans parents came and sat by our side.. and I finally got the OK to meet our daughter (I couldn’t of got in that wheel chair fast enough)

The nurses put the hood of her incubator down So I could see her better, and remember as sean pushed me towards her, my eyes filled with tears and I just cried. She was so beautiful. She was perfect. She was our daughter, and despite her entrance.. She was Fearlessly & Wonderfully made.



*Me meeting Norah for the first time*

Turned out, Norah came out completely Grey & it took them 2 minutes to resuscitate her. 30 Seconds any longer, the Doctor said we would of lost her.  She Contracted Sepsis (An infection in her blood) and had to be put on antibiotics.

IMG_1362 IMG_1371 IMG_1304IMG_1316

5 Days in the NICU later, We were home.

& life was perfect.

If you are mom to be, I don’t want you to read this story with fear. I want you to read this knowing that no matter what the circumstance or situation you are put in, God is fully and completely in control. That no matter what sort of plan you have, God has the ultimate plan!

In my mind, I imagined my husband cutting the chord, the doctor putting my sweet baby girl on my chest – I imagined us leaving for home only after a few hours & family coming and going with excitement.

That wasn’t what happened & thats okay …Because when I saw my Daughter, it was perfect. When I held her for the first time, it was perfect. When I saw sean hold her for the first time, It was perfect.

Proverbs 3:5 – “Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart…”

1 Peter 5:7 – “Cast all your anxiety on Him, Because He CARES for you…”

These verses were on repeat during those 3 days.

Our lives are forever changed since Having Norah.  Being a mom is rewarding, its a challenge, its  joyous & I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else.  We love her so much & Praise God for the gift of life that She is.

Remember, To always Trust in the Lord.

Love always,



Norah Mae Schwartzentruber
January 29th, 2016 @ 12:41 PM
20.5 inches long

“Don’t know, Don’t Care” look

Okay – So how many of us have days where you should get out of bed.. and you should go run errands, but you really don’t want to where your PJ’s out – but yet you still want to look put together? I have the perfect “Don’t know, Don’t Care” look – that still makes you look fabulous

I love, love, LOVE denim.  I always tell my mom “I really wish you kept your wardrobe from when you were a teen!”  I know you guys are probably looking at this outfit and thinking “I thought she likes pastels?” Trust me, I still do.  Just some days I don’t really want to be looked at – I’d rather blend it in a very monotone way.

Now that I have to wear glasses 24/7, I don’t have the pleasure of wearing funky sunglasses… But when I did get to rock a pair of sunglasses, aviators were my go to!  Also, You can’t go through life without a pair of black skinny jeans in your wardrobe!! Dress them up, Dress them down – the opportunities are endless!


fashion 2

House Colours – the endless choices!

A lot of people ask me what/where I got the colour inspiration for our House.  Too be honest – pinterest was a life saver!  I knew that I liked soft, pastel colours – But wasn’t sure if I wanted grays or beiges.  The hardest colour to choose was what colour to paint our whole house.  Because of the open concept, we had to picture a colour that A) We wouldn’t get sick of, and B) Would match the theme/colours we were going to do in other rooms.

We finally decided on Silver fox   (Benjamin Moore) for the whole house (which we do not regret! – Kudos to my macho husband for painting it all himself!)  The thing that we LOVED about this colour was how soft, yet dramatic it was!  In our living room, we decided to do a very very light blue as an accent colour – super subtle, but it makes the TV pop!  ( I will post pictures of our house later.. But for now, here is the colour pallet for silver fox )

silver fox benjamin moore

The powder room.  I was eager to get this room done because Its the first room you see in the house & the most that guests use.  As most of you know, I love pastels.  I fell in love with Hawthorn Yellow (Benjamin Moore) It was soft, but still bright! This colour would also look fantastic in a laundry room (Which we will probably do – but haven’t quite gotten to that yet!)

hawthorne yellow

*Fun fact – Hawthorne yellow was also one of Benjamin Moores top colours of 2014!*

Second bathroom (upstairs!) So, fun fact – Daniella & I are basically twins when it comes to paint colours! We will automatically text each other when we find a new colour we liked.  This next colour she already did in her bathroom and I HAD to follow suit.  Herbes De Provence (Benjamin moore)  It is so hard to describe how beautiful this colour is on the wall (Especially the bathroom! It made the room so warm & relaxing)  It is an earthy green – and looks beautiful with browns, tans & white.

herbes de provence

Last, but not least (because we still have more rooms to paint 😉 ) Our Master Bedroom!  Another funny story.. Without either of us knowing – Daniella & I both painted our Master bedroom the EXACT same colour with the EXACT accent wall. We laughed so hard when we found out!  Fittingly, our accent wall is Chelsea Gray (Benjamin moore) & the other 3 weeks are Revere Pewter (Benjamin moore)  What I love about these 2 colour combinations is that you can make it romantic, yet still have it masculine for your hubby!  I have feminine colours accented with this room to make it soft.

revere pewterchelsea gray

As I said, In the next few posts I will actually post PICTURES of our home.. and will keep you all posted when I finish the rest of our rooms! Thanks for checking in!  Everyone has their own unique style.  Embrace that in your home, because your home truly is a reflection of who you are!!



Fashion Woes In Canadian Weather

Who is sick of this weather?! This girl is.  I can’t believe I woke up this morning and there was SNOW on the ground.. SNOW.. On April 23rd.  Now, I know people say “You live in Canada! You shouldn’t know anything different!” Well I am here to correct you.  Yes, our winters suck. Yes.. They are long! But they never last this long. We usually have beautifully HOT summers.

That being said, trying to find outfit appropriate clothes right now is awful.  I packed all my winter clothes up due to the 25 degree weather we were experiencing last week.

Here is my solution.

I LOVE white skinny jeans/capris In the spring/summer.  It’s a bright spring colour, but still keeps your legs warm! Especially on days like today, when its only 10 degrees out.

As you get to know me, you will know I love pastels. Mint. Coral. Yellow. You name it.  I also love pastels with white pants!  Keeping the shirt at a 3/4 inch sleeve allows you to keep your arms warm, and helps you avoid wearing a coat! (Although a super cute denim jacket would look Fab if you are the kind of person who gets cold easily!)

You may think I am crazy, but I came into work this morning with brown dress sandals on. I am in denial!  There are 2 alternative to this look.  You can either dress is down by wearing a slick white sneaker OR put a nude wedge with it.

Last but not least. Everyone asks me “where do you get your jewelry from!” Guys, I have a secret.  OLD NAVY.  I am telling you.  They have a new jewelry section with the best selection of Chunky, dainty, elegant, etc. Not only that, but if you sign up with Old Navy & their emails.. You almost daily get 20-40% off coupons.

April 23 fashion blogwhite sneakernude wedge

Until next time!